How To VAPORIZE Ice From Your Vehicle

Winter is good for all sorts of transformations.

With that said, getting your car ready for winter can be a daunting task.

Gentle morning dew, for example, turns into tenacious ice. Sure, ice is pretty to look at and is sort of fun to slide around on, but it also uses its tentacles of strength to penetrate every crevice of a vehicle and make it all but impossible to open car doors some mornings. And scraping the stuff off windshields is a task of strength and determination.

So…I am writing this for you, Windshield Ice. You may be all encompassing and tenacious, but I possess thinking skills and biceps.

It was a clear, bright, sparkling, winter morning. The sun was shining, the birds were squawking and all that sort of thing. I’m sure someone, somewhere, was enjoying it. Someone whose car lives in a garage and is therefore not susceptible to Mother Nature’s sick sense of humor. My car was not among this pampered group. My car braved weather of all kinds and that morning was no exception. That morning, a layer of hard ice covered my entire car, rendering vision through the windshield impossible. There was no other course of action to take other than to destroy/vaporize said ice.

Armed with my scraper brush thing, I got down to business.

I scraped and scraped some more. I scraped until my arm ached and the ice became powdery. Feeling proud of myself, I brushed off the powdery, loosened ice, and stared in dismay at my windshield. Instead of the clear glass that my aching arm was sure it had provided, my eyes instead beheld very white ice with darker streaks here and there where I actually had scraped through to the glass. These streaks were no where near abundant or large enough to provide me with any sort of vision while driving.

Alright, Ice…I accept your challenge.

I rolled up my sleeves (metaphorically speaking, of course. It was way to cold to really do that sort of thing) and attacked my windshield with more vigor. Unfortunately, I was met with the same results. It was time for a new course of action.

Since I possess superior thinking skills than the average icicle, I used them to my advantage to gain the upper hand against my foe. Heat kills ice, yes? So, I started my car, blasted my defrosters as hot and high as they could go, and waited a minute or so for the warmer, blasting air against the inside of my windshield to take effect. Once I saw those tell tale ovals of melting ice appear along the bottom of my windshield, I brought out my good friend The Scraper once more and this time, was finally able to get all the ice off without injuring myself or being late for work.

I’m sorry I vaporized you, Windshield Ice.

Actually, I’m not…

I hope you learned your lesson.